the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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