I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
