You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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