remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
