A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
