if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she smelled like a LAN party
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
