I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
