She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
