Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
