Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
