Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
