Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
