And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
