I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
