Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize