remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
