If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
