I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
