Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
