I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
