I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
