Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
