My liver just broke up with me...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
