i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
