I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
