so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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