I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize