As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
