I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
