When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
