I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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