think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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