Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
