You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
