if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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