Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
