they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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