This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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