Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
