No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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