I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
