A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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