dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
