i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
