Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you win again, gameday.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
