did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
