New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
