it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
