I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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