he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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