i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
