the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
