He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
