I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
