I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
