I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
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