i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This house was built for laser tag.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
