Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
