Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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