I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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