if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
