new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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