i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
