Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
