i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
