we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
