I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
