why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
