dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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