is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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